I didn’t expect to wake up to Nazis and White Supremacists in Charlottesville, VA rioting. It deeply upsets me and saddens me that people still live with these ignorant beliefs. I am angry. I am tired. I am angry at this current political climate. I’m at angry at White people who continue to force themselves that racism has “went away.” Racism is here and has always been here. You just refused to listen and look at it. Charlottesville is an example of how much hate still lives deep inside of people.
I’m tired of all of this. I’m tired of Black people constantly being murdered by police. I’m tired of all the unjust things done to people. I am so tired that I have run out of words to perfectly articulate how I’m feeling.
On top of all of this, your current president is threatening a war with N. Korea. I’m just trying to live my life and it doesn’t need to be ruined by some man who wasn’t qualified to be in any type of power.
I don’t understand how (racist) white people don’t see how stupid it is to be racist. I don’t understand how ignorant you have to be to hate someone because they have a different skin color. To hate someone simply because they are other. The whole thing is ridiculous and these very same people preach Christianity. How do you believe that God, who is supposed to be loving and kind, will even condone your actions? If this God is the same God that my mother serves, then you’re not touching Heaven.
Be outraged. Keep fighting for what’s right. To all of those who are in Charlottesville protesting against these horrible people, thank you. Thank you so much. One day, hopefully, we will see a country that condemns racism and every horrible thing that is happening here.
P.S. This is super unorganized but I really just wanted to rant about how I was feeling. I am at a loss for words so I couldn’t fully articulate everything that I wanted to say.
Today, I am going to talk about opportunity and how to always take any opportunity that you get. Honestly, that is one of the most important lessons I have learned thus far. Apply for that scholarship and/or that internship that you think you won’t get. Don’t sell yourself short. Learn how to be confident in yourself and your skills, ability, and intelligence. Take chances. These things help you grow. Don’t be afraid of failure. We all fail and we all succeed. We never know what we can do unless we try it.
These are the things I wished someone would have told me. I have sold myself short so many times because I was afraid. I wasn’t confident in myself and what I can do. Now, looking back, I should have taken so many opportunities that were presented to me but fear stopped me. Fear got in the way of my personal growth. I have learned better. Now, I have to fight with my fear to take advantage of the opportunities that I have. I have to remember I can not know for sure if I don’t try. I have learned that I have to take chances and go for what I want in order to get where I want to be in life. It’s important to realize your full potential and live up to it. You can live up to it. I have to learn to meet and exceed my own expectations of myself. There are no limitations to what I can achieve. I wish someone would have told me these things earlier so I wouldn’t have missed out on great things. I’m learning that I have to take advantages of things given to me so I can move forward.
Believe in yourself.
I hate long breaks where I have nothing planned and no set schedule. I am currently on spring break and I am fighting the funk that I always get in when I am on a long break and not busy. Set schedules keep my mind distracted from all of the things that I have to deal with internally. It keeps me away from the fears and demons that are eating away at me. I wish it were different and I didn’t have to try and force self-motivation. Today, I felt like I couldn’t get out of bed, but I did. I think if I drown myself in work it will overshadow the gnawing at my bones that make me want to stay in bed and overthink. So, I plan my week based on homework and planning of papers for school and planning my future. I’m tired of this happening all of the time but I am a fighter. I can fight and overcome this. I will fight and overcome this. I will be motivated this week to get things done and not succumb to my doubts and fears.
In May 2018, I could possibly graduate college and finish my undergrad. At first, I was under the impression that I wouldn’t finish in four years but sometime this past week I decided to see how many classes I have left and I came to the conclusion that I can graduate next year. After realizing this, it put things into perspective. I probably need to figure out what the hell it is I want to do for the rest of my life. I’ve been constantly thinking about it and I think I’m going to try and do an internship I’ve been looking at for one year and then go to graduate school. Trying to figure out my future is incredibly overwhelming and it makes me nervous. It makes me nervous for the future, of not knowing where or what I am going to end up doing. I’m taking it one day at a time and I have faith and hoping that I will figure it out. I cannot believe I am almost done with my undergrad, I have one more year. The possibilities are exciting and they also make me a little nervous. I just want to be sure that I do something that I truly love to do. I want to be passionate about what I am doing. I want to make sure that I am doing something that brings me happiness and helps me grow as a person.
I typically don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day because I have been single all of my life. This year, my friend surprised me with a rose and candy on Valentine’s Day and it was the cutest thing ever. I appreciated it so much, it was an amazing thing to do, it was beautiful. I teared up a bit when she gave it to me because it was so thoughtful. It just reminded me to always celebrate my friendships because they are always there for me.
“Always be aware of your surroundings” is something my mom has told me over and over again. Always be aware of your surroundings. I am always aware of who and of what is around me. When I first started college, I was taught not to go out at night alone. To always have someone with me, to be aware. I am aware of how the world sees me differently because of the color of my skin or my sexuality. I am aware of the things that make me different. I am aware of how I am perceived. Awareness is something that I grew up knowing very closely. I think it is important to be aware because you know what is going on around you, whether that be locally or globally.
via Daily Prompt: Aware
Last Saturday, I abruptly decided to come out as gay to my entire family. I came out on Facebook/Instagram and the responses that I received were great and supportive. I had been previously trying to come out throughout 2016 but I would always back out of it. Now, I am happy that I did it. I am finally out. I am finally free. Coming out, to me, was being able to be fully myself and honest with everyone. I’m not hiding a part of who I am because of fear and uncertainty anymore. The moment I came out, it was like a weight lifted off of my shoulders. I was so happy and I felt so free. Now, I feel the freedom to love. I got a bit emotional as all of the love and support started to pour in because it went better than I imagined. I was overcome with joy. Since then, it has been normal but it has been free. Now, I can freely be without coming out on my mind. I can love, I can date, and I can just be authentically me. I am so happy that I was able to finally take that step to being able to enjoy my life.